A "small" half-and-half...

Its probably called by other names, depending on where you are, but around here a half-and-half is a shot that consists of half 1800 tequila and Dr. McGillicuddy's Menthol-mint liqueur.  It makes tequila drinkable for those that can't handle it, basically.  One night, a regular who was really close to accomplishing her goal of getting completely wrecked asked for a "little, tiny half-and-half."
I was laughing when I told her "What you really want is a quarter-and-quarter then?"  She giggled and said yup.  I got her one, and she downed it.
Five minutes later she said "That last one was really good, can I have another?"
Drunks are funny.

Do you work here?

I have been bar tending here for more than six months.  I know all of the regulars and what they drink, and most of the "occasional" patrons too.  There is another category of visitors that crack me up sometimes though.  I call them "drop-ins."
The other day I had just started my shift, wearing my logo t-shirt, with a bar rag hanging out of my pocket already.  I was carrying cases of beer from the cooler in the back and filling the bins in the bar, right in front of this old guy that I think I have seen maybe once or twice before.  Old guy was sitting with a couple regulars and chatting away, so I knew he wasn't a complete stranger.  When I brought out the fourth case of beer, he stopped and looked at me funny and asked "Do you work here?"
I never know how to answer those kinds of questions, you know, where the answer should be obvious.  So I went with funny, if not a bit sarcastic.
"Nope, community service.  Judge is a drunk so he said I could serve it here, filling beer coolers."
Me and old guy are buddies now.